Dear Diary,
"i promise to be yours if you promise to be mine. i don't like waiting for things that wont stay with time".
For the next two days he visited me again, just to keep me company. All we did was watch movies or talk. During my last night, it wasn't different at all. He stayed with me till about 12am, just talking, but right before he left...
in the room
rakan: (hands me a little box)
That little box held a cute crystal crescent shaped necklace. As i looked up surprised and to thank him, he was gone. i wanted to call but soon remembered that his phone had been drained. Suddenly i felt scared without him. i felt lost without him. He didnt even say goodbye and i dont know when, or if we're even gonna see each other again soon.
i took the necklace out of the box, and as i took it out, a little piece of paper fell from the box.
"I'll miss you"
the thought of losing him killed me.
tears trickled down my face.
my heart half broken, half at peace. How could i ever put it in words? would i say i felt bitter sweet?
And at that thought i fell asleep...
The next morning i went home.
the first thing i did was go to my room and lay on my bed, which seemed quite huge and empty. His scent didnt linger here. I couldnt imagine him walking through my doors or sitting next to my bed.
i was surprised of myself. how could i miss someone so fast?
BBM
me: morning x
in the room
i waited for 5 minutes in hope that he was up and would reply, but to my luck, nothing.
At that i threw my phone to my side and got up to take a bubble bath.
maybe the warm water will wash away my sudden need for Rakan.
maybe the warm water will wash away my paranoia.
maybe the warm water will take my mind off of him for a while.
but the warm water will take his scent, his touch that i already longed for.
And all i could recall to keep myself calm was "we were always close, never apart, only in distance but never at heart"
you may wonder how i fell so hard for him diary, he was different. somehow he managed to break my walls down. he let me let him in. why him? why was it him out of everyone? i dont know, but im glad it was him who captivated my heart. However, the feeling of self doubt and guilt never left my side. was it paranoia? Or was it a gut feeling that something was coming my way?
Sunday 8 December 2013
Thursday 24 October 2013
....
Dear readers,
i'm sorry i haven't been posting. For now i'm gonna keep the story on hold but i promise i'll try to post another chapter soon. i want to make this a long story that has a meaningful ending and so i need time. Thank you for being patient.
yours truly,
halla x.
i'm sorry i haven't been posting. For now i'm gonna keep the story on hold but i promise i'll try to post another chapter soon. i want to make this a long story that has a meaningful ending and so i need time. Thank you for being patient.
yours truly,
halla x.
Sunday 22 September 2013
chapter 10
Dear Diary,
................ is all i can comprehend right now. Tongue tied. lost. speechless. My brain has decided to desert me. Once again diary, i just froze and gawked at this boy.
in the room
just as his lips parted to say something my door opened and he scurried his chair all the way to the wall, as far away from me as possible.
me : Thank god it was just the nurse. i swear i think i had a mini heart attack!
rakan: hahahahaha you should have seen the look on your face!
me : heyy not funny -.-
and like that diary, the next hour consisted of us making fun of each other and just catching up...
i didnt forget myself though. I'll regret this later but i need to tell him to go. It's getting too late.
me: umm rakan. umm what time is it?
rakan: like 11pm. why?
me: u-umm rakan, it's getting late....
rakan: hahaha okay okay, im going. but keep your phone with you.
i'll BBM you till you fall asleep.
he came closer to me just so we can say goodbye.
dont get the wrong picture diary! he was standing up, so he was so tall compared to me.
he bent down and gave me a hug, and after that all i could see was the mere shadow of his figure disappear beyond my hospital door as i fell asleep...
it was like his scent drugged me.
how close he was to me, well just made me unconscious i guess.
He wore my favorite perfume for men.
i guess now i would say i overdosed on the scent and it put me in the happiest place ever.
The entire world crashed around me and all i could do was cherish that moment for a while longer...
................ is all i can comprehend right now. Tongue tied. lost. speechless. My brain has decided to desert me. Once again diary, i just froze and gawked at this boy.
in the room
just as his lips parted to say something my door opened and he scurried his chair all the way to the wall, as far away from me as possible.
me : Thank god it was just the nurse. i swear i think i had a mini heart attack!
rakan: hahahahaha you should have seen the look on your face!
me : heyy not funny -.-
and like that diary, the next hour consisted of us making fun of each other and just catching up...
i didnt forget myself though. I'll regret this later but i need to tell him to go. It's getting too late.
me: umm rakan. umm what time is it?
rakan: like 11pm. why?
me: u-umm rakan, it's getting late....
rakan: hahaha okay okay, im going. but keep your phone with you.
i'll BBM you till you fall asleep.
he came closer to me just so we can say goodbye.
dont get the wrong picture diary! he was standing up, so he was so tall compared to me.
he bent down and gave me a hug, and after that all i could see was the mere shadow of his figure disappear beyond my hospital door as i fell asleep...
it was like his scent drugged me.
how close he was to me, well just made me unconscious i guess.
He wore my favorite perfume for men.
i guess now i would say i overdosed on the scent and it put me in the happiest place ever.
The entire world crashed around me and all i could do was cherish that moment for a while longer...
Saturday 14 September 2013
chapter 9
Dear Diary,
i may be tied up in this hell hole, but i'm happy here. I don't have to worry about Bebe. I feel at peace...
on the phone to rakan
me: alo?
rakan: meera where have you disappeared to?
me: u-umm i- um
rakan: meera whats that beeping sound?
me: uummm. rakan i-uum, im at the hospital, but im better now so dont worry
rakan: which hospital?
me: why?
rakan: meera which hospital? (i could hear the anger rising within him)
me: rakan why?
rakan: meera. which hospital?! (at this point he screamed at me and i jumped from his reaction)
me: ****** hospital
rakan: give me 15 minutes.
me: rakan no
all i could hear was the sound the beeping sound indicating the phone call ended.
back in the room...
suddenly i heard a really fast bleeping sound and i didn't know where it was coming from. i looked to my left and saw the heart monitor beating rapidly. At that moment i put my hand to my heart, it felt like it was about to escape.
Diary, its gonna be the first time i actually see rakan, like actually sit together, and and and well say something other than "hey, nice meeting you". The fact that he just screamed at me doesn't make it any better. saying i'm terrified and nervous would be an understatement.
I tried getting my mind off of it but there was no use, just as i was about to turn on the tv, my door opened and rakan scurried in.
rakan: meera... (i could see worry swimming in his beautiful brown eyes)
i guess he saw my soul flutter at the sight of him, because a cheeky grin got plastered on his face as he made his way to my side.
meera: u-um i-um wh-what are you doing here? (yup i got tongue tied)
this boy could literally take my breath away.
I love the way he gets wrinkles in the corner of his eyes every time he smiles.
i love the way his laugh automatically makes my heart pounce.
i love that scruffy look he has.
i love his defined jaw line.
i love his husky voice and how every time i hear it, i get lost in my own little world.
i love how he says my name, and how he cares.
i even love his traditional khaleeji nose.
Most of all i love his soul and how he was so different, how he could captivate reality and how optimistic he was, how he always saw the good in people and turned their problems into his.
To me this boy meant perfection, and he was all i wanted. He was the only person my heart let in and i didnt even know why.
could it be? could i really be falling for him this easily? isnt it too soon? do i even believe in love at first sight?
rakan's mere chuckles dragged me out of my thoughts.
He grabbed the chair next to my bed and moved it closer to me and sat down.
we just gazed at each other, dumbfounded.
He had beautiful eyes. The kind you could get lost in. The kind that would escape pictures. The kind that could absorb your soul and i guess they took me away.
i quickly got back to reality and remembered that i was mad at him for
1) screaming at me
2)coming to the hospital without asking (i mean what if my mum was here?)
3)for ignoring my question
me: ra-rakan. how did they let you in?
rakan: i told them i was your brother.
meera? are you upset? (i guess he sensed my irritation)
after he said that, he inched his hand next to mine, and just as his hand touched mine for the first time, i froze and my face turned into all the different shades of pink and red that you could imagine. My insides fluttered, and once again, this boy made butterflies take over as he took my breath away for the second time in less than 30 minutes.
Diary, i guess i really am falling for him....
"i don't know how to answer. i know what i think, but words in the head are like voices underwater. they are distorted."
i may be tied up in this hell hole, but i'm happy here. I don't have to worry about Bebe. I feel at peace...
on the phone to rakan
me: alo?
rakan: meera where have you disappeared to?
me: u-umm i- um
rakan: meera whats that beeping sound?
me: uummm. rakan i-uum, im at the hospital, but im better now so dont worry
rakan: which hospital?
me: why?
rakan: meera which hospital? (i could hear the anger rising within him)
me: rakan why?
rakan: meera. which hospital?! (at this point he screamed at me and i jumped from his reaction)
me: ****** hospital
rakan: give me 15 minutes.
me: rakan no
all i could hear was the sound the beeping sound indicating the phone call ended.
back in the room...
suddenly i heard a really fast bleeping sound and i didn't know where it was coming from. i looked to my left and saw the heart monitor beating rapidly. At that moment i put my hand to my heart, it felt like it was about to escape.
Diary, its gonna be the first time i actually see rakan, like actually sit together, and and and well say something other than "hey, nice meeting you". The fact that he just screamed at me doesn't make it any better. saying i'm terrified and nervous would be an understatement.
I tried getting my mind off of it but there was no use, just as i was about to turn on the tv, my door opened and rakan scurried in.
rakan: meera... (i could see worry swimming in his beautiful brown eyes)
i guess he saw my soul flutter at the sight of him, because a cheeky grin got plastered on his face as he made his way to my side.
meera: u-um i-um wh-what are you doing here? (yup i got tongue tied)
this boy could literally take my breath away.
I love the way he gets wrinkles in the corner of his eyes every time he smiles.
i love the way his laugh automatically makes my heart pounce.
i love that scruffy look he has.
i love his defined jaw line.
i love his husky voice and how every time i hear it, i get lost in my own little world.
i love how he says my name, and how he cares.
i even love his traditional khaleeji nose.
Most of all i love his soul and how he was so different, how he could captivate reality and how optimistic he was, how he always saw the good in people and turned their problems into his.
To me this boy meant perfection, and he was all i wanted. He was the only person my heart let in and i didnt even know why.
could it be? could i really be falling for him this easily? isnt it too soon? do i even believe in love at first sight?
rakan's mere chuckles dragged me out of my thoughts.
He grabbed the chair next to my bed and moved it closer to me and sat down.
we just gazed at each other, dumbfounded.
He had beautiful eyes. The kind you could get lost in. The kind that would escape pictures. The kind that could absorb your soul and i guess they took me away.
i quickly got back to reality and remembered that i was mad at him for
1) screaming at me
2)coming to the hospital without asking (i mean what if my mum was here?)
3)for ignoring my question
me: ra-rakan. how did they let you in?
rakan: i told them i was your brother.
meera? are you upset? (i guess he sensed my irritation)
after he said that, he inched his hand next to mine, and just as his hand touched mine for the first time, i froze and my face turned into all the different shades of pink and red that you could imagine. My insides fluttered, and once again, this boy made butterflies take over as he took my breath away for the second time in less than 30 minutes.
Diary, i guess i really am falling for him....
"i don't know how to answer. i know what i think, but words in the head are like voices underwater. they are distorted."
Monday 9 September 2013
chapter 8
Dear diary,
where am i? i cant seem to open my eyes. i feel like the weight of the world has literally been placed on top of my entire body, as i also cant seem to lift a finger. All i could hear was a faint beeping sound in the mere distance. All i could smell was the strong scent of detol and medicine.
All that went through my head was what the hell is going on?
i tried taking in a deep breathe as i felt suffocated. i heard a very familiar voice. My mother. i finally got the energy to open my eyes, and right before i did all the events of last night played in my head. i tried getting up but squirmed from the pain. I opened my eye lids and saw these 4 plain walls surrounding me. yup you got it right diary, im still in the hospital.
in the room...
mama: meera! finally you woke up!
stop trying to move. i'll call the doctor.
the doctor came in and started telling me all the events of the following night. Apparently i had surgery. why? apparently i had kidney failure and the reason i threw up was because i got food poisoning oh and one more thing...
doctor: meera, you seem to have gone above natural stress levels and that wasn't helping your situation at all. All it did was add pressure to your kidney and make you weaker.
The doctor said that and dissapered. My mother approached me in a manner that made every hair on my body and head stand right up. She looked at me very sternly, and i knew what was coming next.
mama: meera would you like to tell me whats going on? (you guessed right diary. now shes gonna keep asking till i say something)
me: oh nothing, just my end of year exams have been on my mind lately.
After that she looked at me, she walked out, leaving me and my father behind.
baba: meera dont mind your mother, just get some rest. we'll go home and come back at 6. (it was 11am)
he kissed my forehead and walked out.
what was that all about?
how long do i have to stay here?
how long was i asleep for?
what am i supposed to do?
2 hours passed with me just staring at the dull muted tv, with not a thing to entertain me. i tried sighting my phone...
i turned my phone on, and as soon as that happened, i found literally 30 missed calls.
Arwa tried calling around 15 times
Anoud tried calling 10 times
Rakan tried calling 5 times
the date on my phone was set 2 days after the day i arrived to kuwait. That was weird. I'ts impossible that i slept through an entire day. knowing myself id probably wake up like 600 times.
my phone froze. perfect.
i restarted it and just as it opened, it wouldnt stop vibrating...
incoming call rakan
my heart fell to the pit of my stomach when i read that and i could literally feel my heart beats accelerate in my ear. a smile spread itself across my face, and as soon as i realised i counted to 5 and picked up..
me: a- alo
rakan: .....
me: aloo, rakan?
rakan: ......
im so sorry for the delay. please forgive me. school started and i got caught up. i'll try posting again real soon. Tell me what you think x
"when my absence doesn't alter your life, then my presence has no meaning in it"
Tuesday 27 August 2013
chapter 7
Dear Diary,
well, we just touched down in kuwait and i can feel the butterflies taking over.... in a bad way. My mother hasn't said anything yet but she keeps giving me these looks, i can see pain roaming in her eyes. My dad would look my way and give me slight hints of a smile, but never a real proper one. That tore my heart apart. i really wanted to know what was going on.
in the car...
me: mama. whats wrong?
mama: oh there isnt anything dont worry (gives a fake smile)
me: but mama, we're not on the way home. where on earth are we going? its like 3am!
mama: meera,(sighs) we need to take you to the hospital.
me: WHAT?! what for?! whats wrong with me?!
mama: (sighs) the doctor at the hotel said when we get back home, we need to take you to the hospital for an immediate check up and me and your father decided not to wait.
me: mama there isnt anything wrong with me! take me home!
baba: meera! listen to your mother and stop whining. we're going to the hospital right now and thats final!
The rest of the car ride was quiet and awkward. i'm guessing no one from the family knew we were back since my parents phones were not bombarded with calls and texts. i decided to turn my phone on so i could listen to some music, as i turned it on i found multiple bbm's from different people. i just skipped them all except for 2 that caught my attention. Rakan's and Bebe's.
On BBM...
Rakan: hey
how are you feeling today?
meera?
you there?
tell me when you see this
meera did something happen to you?!
meera answer me
(as i read what rakan wrote, i felt my heart cringe and twist from it. how can something so wrong feel so right?)
me: hey rakan im sorry. i wasnt feeling very well but dont worry, im fine now
(i didnt want to tell him the truth. what was i supposed to say? oh hi rakan im back home and currently on the way to the hospital because apparently something is wrong with me? how would he even react to that? would he even care?)
rakan: meera finally you answered! you got me so worried. what happened? i hope you get better soon
me: why are you up? its like 3:30am
rakan: i couldnt sleep, plus you got me worried, i was gonna call but was scared your mum would answer
(as he said that, once again the butterflies made their way to my stomach, and this time it was for a good cause. it made me fall for him that tiny bit more knowing that he cared about me. knowing that there was someone out there other than my parents who actually cared. even if it was tiny, it meant the world to me.)
me: dont worry rakan. really, i'm better. please get some sleep. i feel a little guilty knowing i might be the reason that you're still up.
rakan: okay. good night meero. call me if you need anything x
me: rakan wait
one more thing
rakan: whats up?
me: i just wanted to let you know that i just got to kuwait. im sorry i didnt say anything before it was all so sudden
(i know what youre thinking diary, "how stupid of you meera. now he'll ask questions" i felt bad lying to him, i dont know but it felt so wrong, like to him of all people. i know i wasnt telling him the entire truth but a little is better than nothing at all right?)
rakan: meera are you sure youre okay? if youre at home can i call you?
(shit shit shit is all that went through my head)
me: no no! rakan dont call please.
rakan: meera where are you and what are you keeping from me?
me: i promise you im in kuwait but im with my parents so i cant talk
rakan: okay then, so when you get home ping me and i'll call you
me: rakan no.
i cant.
rakan: no excuses. im waiting for that ping.
till then :)
me: rakan no
rakan please
rakan!!
no answer. he kept ignoring me so i gave up trying and remembered that bebe sent me something.
bebe: hey meera!
you cant keep avoiding me dear :*
dont forget that you'll be home soon
have fun till then gorgeous xx
back in the car...
what the hell?! what else did she want from me? why me? what have i ever done to her?
i need to do something about this. i dont want her to know that im here. i dont want anyone to know that im back.
me: umm mum, is it okay if no one from the family knows im back?
mama: and why is that?
me: uhh-ummm i just dont want them to get worried thats all :) can you please just tell them im staying in switzerland for another week going to camp or something?
mama: we'll see. get down now, its time for your check up.
in the hospital...
i did all the necessary blood tests and everything that stupid doctor wanted. i started feeling sick and like i want to throw up. I always get nauseated but not to this extent. we waited for an hour till my results came out.
just as the doctor was coming out to tell us the results. thats when it hit me.
i felt a surge of pain rising within the pit of my stomach and at that i fell to the floor screaming, looked to my right and right then and there it came out. i threw up.
After that everything went black, the last thing i remember was the faint voice of my mother screaming my name as she tugged on my arm.
well, we just touched down in kuwait and i can feel the butterflies taking over.... in a bad way. My mother hasn't said anything yet but she keeps giving me these looks, i can see pain roaming in her eyes. My dad would look my way and give me slight hints of a smile, but never a real proper one. That tore my heart apart. i really wanted to know what was going on.
in the car...
me: mama. whats wrong?
mama: oh there isnt anything dont worry (gives a fake smile)
me: but mama, we're not on the way home. where on earth are we going? its like 3am!
mama: meera,(sighs) we need to take you to the hospital.
me: WHAT?! what for?! whats wrong with me?!
mama: (sighs) the doctor at the hotel said when we get back home, we need to take you to the hospital for an immediate check up and me and your father decided not to wait.
me: mama there isnt anything wrong with me! take me home!
baba: meera! listen to your mother and stop whining. we're going to the hospital right now and thats final!
The rest of the car ride was quiet and awkward. i'm guessing no one from the family knew we were back since my parents phones were not bombarded with calls and texts. i decided to turn my phone on so i could listen to some music, as i turned it on i found multiple bbm's from different people. i just skipped them all except for 2 that caught my attention. Rakan's and Bebe's.
On BBM...
Rakan: hey
how are you feeling today?
meera?
you there?
tell me when you see this
meera did something happen to you?!
meera answer me
(as i read what rakan wrote, i felt my heart cringe and twist from it. how can something so wrong feel so right?)
me: hey rakan im sorry. i wasnt feeling very well but dont worry, im fine now
(i didnt want to tell him the truth. what was i supposed to say? oh hi rakan im back home and currently on the way to the hospital because apparently something is wrong with me? how would he even react to that? would he even care?)
rakan: meera finally you answered! you got me so worried. what happened? i hope you get better soon
me: why are you up? its like 3:30am
rakan: i couldnt sleep, plus you got me worried, i was gonna call but was scared your mum would answer
(as he said that, once again the butterflies made their way to my stomach, and this time it was for a good cause. it made me fall for him that tiny bit more knowing that he cared about me. knowing that there was someone out there other than my parents who actually cared. even if it was tiny, it meant the world to me.)
me: dont worry rakan. really, i'm better. please get some sleep. i feel a little guilty knowing i might be the reason that you're still up.
rakan: okay. good night meero. call me if you need anything x
me: rakan wait
one more thing
rakan: whats up?
me: i just wanted to let you know that i just got to kuwait. im sorry i didnt say anything before it was all so sudden
(i know what youre thinking diary, "how stupid of you meera. now he'll ask questions" i felt bad lying to him, i dont know but it felt so wrong, like to him of all people. i know i wasnt telling him the entire truth but a little is better than nothing at all right?)
rakan: meera are you sure youre okay? if youre at home can i call you?
(shit shit shit is all that went through my head)
me: no no! rakan dont call please.
rakan: meera where are you and what are you keeping from me?
me: i promise you im in kuwait but im with my parents so i cant talk
rakan: okay then, so when you get home ping me and i'll call you
me: rakan no.
i cant.
rakan: no excuses. im waiting for that ping.
till then :)
me: rakan no
rakan please
rakan!!
no answer. he kept ignoring me so i gave up trying and remembered that bebe sent me something.
bebe: hey meera!
you cant keep avoiding me dear :*
dont forget that you'll be home soon
have fun till then gorgeous xx
back in the car...
what the hell?! what else did she want from me? why me? what have i ever done to her?
i need to do something about this. i dont want her to know that im here. i dont want anyone to know that im back.
me: umm mum, is it okay if no one from the family knows im back?
mama: and why is that?
me: uhh-ummm i just dont want them to get worried thats all :) can you please just tell them im staying in switzerland for another week going to camp or something?
mama: we'll see. get down now, its time for your check up.
in the hospital...
i did all the necessary blood tests and everything that stupid doctor wanted. i started feeling sick and like i want to throw up. I always get nauseated but not to this extent. we waited for an hour till my results came out.
just as the doctor was coming out to tell us the results. thats when it hit me.
i felt a surge of pain rising within the pit of my stomach and at that i fell to the floor screaming, looked to my right and right then and there it came out. i threw up.
After that everything went black, the last thing i remember was the faint voice of my mother screaming my name as she tugged on my arm.
Thursday 15 August 2013
chapter 6
Dear Diary,
where should i start today? well my depression is developing, especially after istatha bebe threatened me. Right now i hate her! i love her for looking out for me but i hate how she's doing it. She can literally ruin me. My mother started realizing too, it wasnt just rakan, they started realising something was bothering me. You see diary, you know im a food lover and i love both sweet and salty things yet i stopped eating.
It's been a week in switzerland (sorry i dont remember which country i chose before :p) and well my health isnt at its best right now. Everyday rakan would ask me what was wrong and all i would say was "nothing" , "dont worry i'm fine"....
I turned pale. Got hay fever and now i was really stuck in bed with nothing but my laptop, and i was forced to eat food because well apparently im on the verge of becoming anemic. The hotel doctor dropped by yesterday and gave me like 6 different packets of medicine.
My routine turned to wake up, food, medicine, laptop, food, medicine then sleep. Fun right?!
Everyday rakan tried getting it out of me and the entire time i never spoke to bebe. Until one day...
On BBM...
arwa: meera i need to talk to you about something
me: whats wrong? what happened now?
arwa: meera its your cousin
me: what happened?
arwa: she asked me about rakan...
and she said "make sure meera and rakan arent together and if they are you better tell me or else"
back to reality...
Diary, what should i do with myself?! what the hell, now they threaten my bestfriend!
my own cousins! wow what a family i have. they didnt even have the decency to come and ask me. they just made their own assumptions. nice, okay bebe, its on.
On BBM...
me: thank you bebe! you made my own cousins make assumptions about me and judge me. i didnt think you were that type of person
bebe: no problemo cutie. you'll see more when you're back :*
back to reality..
i cant even move from this bed, so i have no clue how to deal with this bitch.
mama: meera get up and pack your bags please. we're going back to kuwait.
me: why so early?
mama: because it seems like Switzerland's weather isnt doing you any good.
i didnt talk to rakan for the rest of the day, or to anyone. i didnt want to go back. i was so scared and nervous because of bebe and my mother sounded so fishy. could bebe have told her?! no no she wouldnt, would she?
where should i start today? well my depression is developing, especially after istatha bebe threatened me. Right now i hate her! i love her for looking out for me but i hate how she's doing it. She can literally ruin me. My mother started realizing too, it wasnt just rakan, they started realising something was bothering me. You see diary, you know im a food lover and i love both sweet and salty things yet i stopped eating.
It's been a week in switzerland (sorry i dont remember which country i chose before :p) and well my health isnt at its best right now. Everyday rakan would ask me what was wrong and all i would say was "nothing" , "dont worry i'm fine"....
I turned pale. Got hay fever and now i was really stuck in bed with nothing but my laptop, and i was forced to eat food because well apparently im on the verge of becoming anemic. The hotel doctor dropped by yesterday and gave me like 6 different packets of medicine.
My routine turned to wake up, food, medicine, laptop, food, medicine then sleep. Fun right?!
Everyday rakan tried getting it out of me and the entire time i never spoke to bebe. Until one day...
On BBM...
arwa: meera i need to talk to you about something
me: whats wrong? what happened now?
arwa: meera its your cousin
me: what happened?
arwa: she asked me about rakan...
and she said "make sure meera and rakan arent together and if they are you better tell me or else"
back to reality...
Diary, what should i do with myself?! what the hell, now they threaten my bestfriend!
my own cousins! wow what a family i have. they didnt even have the decency to come and ask me. they just made their own assumptions. nice, okay bebe, its on.
On BBM...
me: thank you bebe! you made my own cousins make assumptions about me and judge me. i didnt think you were that type of person
bebe: no problemo cutie. you'll see more when you're back :*
back to reality..
i cant even move from this bed, so i have no clue how to deal with this bitch.
mama: meera get up and pack your bags please. we're going back to kuwait.
me: why so early?
mama: because it seems like Switzerland's weather isnt doing you any good.
i didnt talk to rakan for the rest of the day, or to anyone. i didnt want to go back. i was so scared and nervous because of bebe and my mother sounded so fishy. could bebe have told her?! no no she wouldnt, would she?
Wednesday 31 July 2013
chapter 5
Dear Diary,
:'((((( i swear i felt my heart just fall into my stomach. uff uff uff who does she think she is to check my contacts. what am i supposed to do now?!!
in the car with bebe...
me: oh him, umm he, umm is with me in school. yeah yeah hes with me in school
bebe: ahaaa... your parents know you talk to a guy?
me: hahah ofcourse, im just friends with the guy, i didnt do anything wrong!
bebe: ahaa hmmm okay whatever, we're here.
me: (uff thank god, is time finally working in my favor?) okay thank you babe, i'll talk to you as soon as we land :*
back to reality.....
Diary, when she gave me back my phone i realized queen bebe opened my recent updates -.-
Anyway as soon as we checked in and finished everything, nothing is roaming in my head other than rakan and i dont know how to get him out :(
so i decided to talk to him but it wasnt awkward, he pretended like nothing happened :DDDDD *happy dance*
on BBM...
me: rakan i have to go, i'll tell you as soon as i land x
rakan: okay. take care x
back to reality....
My first 2 days in that country were perfect, me and rakan we're getting back on our friendship track and well life was going well, until 1 day when i tried to talk to bebe and she was all mad and fussy. whats wrong with her?
on bbm....
me: bebe whats wrong? why are you so mad at me? what did i do to you?!
bebe: oh nothing, i just never thought you were the type to talk to guys in that way
me: wth?! bebe i told you he's my friend from school! i cant believe you of all people would start judging me
back to reality....
i swear diary like okay i liked rakan but i wasnt gonna let anything develop more than a friendship, and bebe knew me well enough to know how i am. i know i lied to her but if i told her the truth she would never understand and she would go and tell all my cousins and they'll tell my parents and then i'll get killed because everyone will get the wrong picture :'( </3
After that bebe started lecturing me about my reputation and how everyone knows us and how things spread quickly, like okay just stop talking! i get the picture! just leave me alone!
The next day
Diary, ive been so off ever since yesterday morning all because of bebe, my mood has gone down hill.... depression here i come. i dont even want to go out and i havent eaten because well i cant.
i feel so guilty for lieing to bebe but at the same time im so mad and pissed off at her for judging me like okay i did something wrong by becoming friends with a guy (in her eyes) but i swear he's a human not a monster, i dont get why its so bad to be friends with the opposite gender.
rakan started realizing that i was being off because i always used to answer his bbm's with one word or i would take hours to reply because honestly i know it sounds stupid now but i went through like a mini depression/ anxiety. All i did was sleep so i could get away from reality.
Diary, Bebe threatened to tell all my cousins and basically ruin me......
keep your head held high princess, your tiara is falling.
Friday 26 July 2013
chapter 4
Dear Diary,
what the hell just happened?!!! At that moment i wanted to disappear you know when they say "i want the earth to crack open and just sallow me"? yeah, i wanted that to happen to me.
On BBM...
anoud: yalla meero, im going to bed. nightt xxx
me: anoud no
anoud
i need you
anoud he told me he liked me!
i dont know what to do
Back to reality...
To my luck, anoud didnt answer, she didnt even read them. Diary i honestly got so torn. I even tried pinging her like 10 times, but sadly, i had no luck. Thinking back to it now, i still get butterflies and a smile starts creeping on to my face. I know that's really bad, but diary, what was i to do? i was a little girl who thought the world was finally working in her favor.
20 minutes passed and i still didnt answer him. let me remind you diary, he knew that i read it. Thinking back i want to laugh at myself and maybe slap myself for being so rude. I literally froze in my place. I was soo cold to the point i actually got up to get a hoodie and turn my ac off x_x
On BBM...
rakan: haha, did i just make this awkward?
me: hahah, noo
sorry, i got cold so went to get a hoodie hahah (diary, just remembering that i said that to him, i want to slap myself, i mean how more stupid can i get? but just to make myself feel better i say to myself "atleast you told him the truth meera")
me: umm rakan. its not that i dont like you, but you know i dont date and all that. i would love to be friends, but i understand if you dont want...
rakan: no, its okay. i understand, but id like to stay friends. you're a good friend :)
Back to reality...
Diary!!!! Why did i have to be so stupid? After that, rakan barely talked to me, he was like "i'm with my brothers so i'll talk to you later :)" What was i supposed to do? ufff. I tried letting it go so i could get a few hours of sleep.
when i woke up i checked my phone, and to my surprise there was nothing from rakan. NOTHING! I know what you're thinking diary "why would he say anything after last night's awkwardness?" but diary me and him agreed to be bestfriends. I'm so used to him sending me good morning text messages, they used to be the highlight of my day. So obviously there wasn't anything i could do about it, so i said good morning to him and all he gave me was a "morning" no emotion, no nothing </3.
I was gonna travel in a few hours to switzerland and i really wanted the waters to be clear between me and rakan but hufffff is all i can say.
It's time for me to go to the airport and he still hasn't said anything i didnt wanna talk to him in front of Bebe. you remember her diary right? well she's the family friend, the one i was closest to but i still didnt tell her about rakan, you know my family isnt open to all that boy stuff, and neither was hers. Oh, btw i didnt tell any of my cousins because that would be wayyy too awkward, me being the youngest girl in the entire family and all. They still tease me even though im 17, like just stop! they can get soo annoying.
Bebe drove me to the airport. i cant believe her parents finally let her get her license, i mean she was 21! My parents went in another car with the driver.
In the car....
Bebe: huff i hate having to wait at traffic lights
and the traffic is just... oh god
meero. give me your phone please im planning on getting a BB and i just want to see how it is.
me: here (dont worry diary i deleted the chat between me and rakan and i really doubt she's gonna go through 90 contacts)
10 minutes passed, the traffic lights opened twice and we still didnt pass...
Bebe: meera, who's rakan?
me: wha-what?
There's something disturbing about recalling a warm memory and feeling utterly cold.
what the hell just happened?!!! At that moment i wanted to disappear you know when they say "i want the earth to crack open and just sallow me"? yeah, i wanted that to happen to me.
On BBM...
anoud: yalla meero, im going to bed. nightt xxx
me: anoud no
anoud
i need you
anoud he told me he liked me!
i dont know what to do
Back to reality...
To my luck, anoud didnt answer, she didnt even read them. Diary i honestly got so torn. I even tried pinging her like 10 times, but sadly, i had no luck. Thinking back to it now, i still get butterflies and a smile starts creeping on to my face. I know that's really bad, but diary, what was i to do? i was a little girl who thought the world was finally working in her favor.
20 minutes passed and i still didnt answer him. let me remind you diary, he knew that i read it. Thinking back i want to laugh at myself and maybe slap myself for being so rude. I literally froze in my place. I was soo cold to the point i actually got up to get a hoodie and turn my ac off x_x
On BBM...
rakan: haha, did i just make this awkward?
me: hahah, noo
sorry, i got cold so went to get a hoodie hahah (diary, just remembering that i said that to him, i want to slap myself, i mean how more stupid can i get? but just to make myself feel better i say to myself "atleast you told him the truth meera")
me: umm rakan. its not that i dont like you, but you know i dont date and all that. i would love to be friends, but i understand if you dont want...
rakan: no, its okay. i understand, but id like to stay friends. you're a good friend :)
Back to reality...
Diary!!!! Why did i have to be so stupid? After that, rakan barely talked to me, he was like "i'm with my brothers so i'll talk to you later :)" What was i supposed to do? ufff. I tried letting it go so i could get a few hours of sleep.
when i woke up i checked my phone, and to my surprise there was nothing from rakan. NOTHING! I know what you're thinking diary "why would he say anything after last night's awkwardness?" but diary me and him agreed to be bestfriends. I'm so used to him sending me good morning text messages, they used to be the highlight of my day. So obviously there wasn't anything i could do about it, so i said good morning to him and all he gave me was a "morning" no emotion, no nothing </3.
I was gonna travel in a few hours to switzerland and i really wanted the waters to be clear between me and rakan but hufffff is all i can say.
It's time for me to go to the airport and he still hasn't said anything i didnt wanna talk to him in front of Bebe. you remember her diary right? well she's the family friend, the one i was closest to but i still didnt tell her about rakan, you know my family isnt open to all that boy stuff, and neither was hers. Oh, btw i didnt tell any of my cousins because that would be wayyy too awkward, me being the youngest girl in the entire family and all. They still tease me even though im 17, like just stop! they can get soo annoying.
Bebe drove me to the airport. i cant believe her parents finally let her get her license, i mean she was 21! My parents went in another car with the driver.
In the car....
Bebe: huff i hate having to wait at traffic lights
and the traffic is just... oh god
meero. give me your phone please im planning on getting a BB and i just want to see how it is.
me: here (dont worry diary i deleted the chat between me and rakan and i really doubt she's gonna go through 90 contacts)
10 minutes passed, the traffic lights opened twice and we still didnt pass...
Bebe: meera, who's rakan?
me: wha-what?
There's something disturbing about recalling a warm memory and feeling utterly cold.
Thursday 25 July 2013
chapter 3
Dear Diary,
hufff! Where do i even start? Lets just say at that moment rakan was actually... no help. He was as clueless as me and he didnt know what to do with his work either.
Me and rakan ended up talking and talking randomly and well he wasn't as bad as i thought he would be. He turned out to be, well actually nice.
On BBM...
rakan: what are you up to?
me: nothing really, im so bored. wbu?
rakan: just chilling. how about we play a game?
me: sure, what do you have in mind?
rakan: hahaha laa choosing the game is up to you. I gave the idea ;)
me: hahah okay...hmmm how about the question game?
rakan: okay. you first.
Back to reality...
Diary, me and Rakan kept playing that game for weeks. It was just a fun way of trying to get to know each other. I know what you're thinking diary. "why didnt you delete him from the start?" Diary, something stopped me. I found it so easy to let him in. I found it so easy to tell him everything and he never judged me or anything. Diary you knew people always made fun of my weight and i never talked about it, well to him i found it so easy and this is what he said to me....
On BMM...
me: people used to call me fat. straight to my face
rakan: meera, next time anyone says anything to you, you come straight to me and give me their names. I'll beat them up for you
me: hahah noo, its okay. i got used to it :P
rakan: you know what, actually give me their names now!
me: rakan la, please its okay but thank you so much :)
rakan: are you sure? if you change your mind im right here x
Back to reality...
i know what you're thinking again diary "i thought you were gonna tell me he called you beautiful or something like that" but he didnt, because the last time he saw me was a year ago and well i dont think he remembers me a lot and honestly i didnt remember him either. And well maybe he didnt find me beautiful i was still clueless. Diary, you know im still new to all this. The last person who called me beautiful was my mother.
During those weeks that me and rakan got to know each other, we used to BBM 24/7 like from when we woke up till we went back to bed so you can say i really knew him, because by the time rakan was like one of my closest friends it was already November and Eid was around the corner.
By the way diary, just in case you forgot anoud, she's my other bestfriend. The one that moved to the states last year. The one that always wore her scarf. Dont worry diary, i still do my daily updates with her so she still knows everything about my life, including the new people that have entered it *cough* *cough* rakan ;)
On BBM...
me: anoud i dont know really, im just starting to feel weird. ya3ny ive never felt this way before.
anoud: meero! i think you're starting to like him!
me: what!? no! how can i like someone so fast? anoud its only been like a month and a few weeks!
anoud: meera, we both know you always think about him, and we both know you're scared of losing him. even if it was just as a friend. so meera, i know you're scared and im not encouraging you to do anything wrong but just be careful is all i'll say.
me: uff anoud i dont know! im gonna need your help. just keep telling me just friends okay just friends
anoud: just friends meeroo. friend zone!
Back to reality....
Diary, even though me and anoud kept trying and trying to convince me that we're just friends it didnt work. It's like he refused to leave my head. My mind was occupied by one thing and one thing only...RAKAN. I didnt tell arwa about me starting to like rakan, i mean that would have been awkward, but i know she would have been happy for me but come on, he's her cousin so no no no.
One night before eid... On BBM...
rakan: so meera? are you ready for eid?
me: shit shit shit! thats tomorrow?! i completely forgot :'( i dont have anything to wear!
rakan: -.- just take out anything from you're closet.
me: hmmm i'll look, i think i have a new dress and a new skirt i still havent worn. which one should i go for though, skirt or dress?
rakan: how am i supposed to know -_- just go with skirt
me: thanks -_-
rakan:come on, lets play the question game again.
Back to Reality...
we played normally, it was like part of our routine by now then we started asking each other about like past relationships and he was really surprised to know that i've never even dated x_x
BBM....
rakan: never ever? like not even dated a guy?
me: nope :$
rakan: okay you're turn
me: do you like anyone right now?
rakan: i think so
me: cool, okay you're turn
rakan: hahah don't you want to know who she is?
me: um okay, who is she? (i promise you diary i didnt know what was coming to me)
rakan: you, i like you meera
Back to reality...
As soon as he said that, i swear i think my heart stopped. i started getting so cold and i had goosebumps everywhere, huff diary walla i didnt know what to do. i was smiling from the inside but so terrified from the out. Rakan didnt know that i read it since i didnt move my scroller and right at that moment, anoud bbmed me and i clicked on her chat by accident... shit shit shit.
Don't let the fear of tomorrow stop you from succeeding today.
hufff! Where do i even start? Lets just say at that moment rakan was actually... no help. He was as clueless as me and he didnt know what to do with his work either.
Me and rakan ended up talking and talking randomly and well he wasn't as bad as i thought he would be. He turned out to be, well actually nice.
On BBM...
rakan: what are you up to?
me: nothing really, im so bored. wbu?
rakan: just chilling. how about we play a game?
me: sure, what do you have in mind?
rakan: hahaha laa choosing the game is up to you. I gave the idea ;)
me: hahah okay...hmmm how about the question game?
rakan: okay. you first.
Back to reality...
Diary, me and Rakan kept playing that game for weeks. It was just a fun way of trying to get to know each other. I know what you're thinking diary. "why didnt you delete him from the start?" Diary, something stopped me. I found it so easy to let him in. I found it so easy to tell him everything and he never judged me or anything. Diary you knew people always made fun of my weight and i never talked about it, well to him i found it so easy and this is what he said to me....
On BMM...
me: people used to call me fat. straight to my face
rakan: meera, next time anyone says anything to you, you come straight to me and give me their names. I'll beat them up for you
me: hahah noo, its okay. i got used to it :P
rakan: you know what, actually give me their names now!
me: rakan la, please its okay but thank you so much :)
rakan: are you sure? if you change your mind im right here x
Back to reality...
i know what you're thinking again diary "i thought you were gonna tell me he called you beautiful or something like that" but he didnt, because the last time he saw me was a year ago and well i dont think he remembers me a lot and honestly i didnt remember him either. And well maybe he didnt find me beautiful i was still clueless. Diary, you know im still new to all this. The last person who called me beautiful was my mother.
During those weeks that me and rakan got to know each other, we used to BBM 24/7 like from when we woke up till we went back to bed so you can say i really knew him, because by the time rakan was like one of my closest friends it was already November and Eid was around the corner.
By the way diary, just in case you forgot anoud, she's my other bestfriend. The one that moved to the states last year. The one that always wore her scarf. Dont worry diary, i still do my daily updates with her so she still knows everything about my life, including the new people that have entered it *cough* *cough* rakan ;)
On BBM...
me: anoud i dont know really, im just starting to feel weird. ya3ny ive never felt this way before.
anoud: meero! i think you're starting to like him!
me: what!? no! how can i like someone so fast? anoud its only been like a month and a few weeks!
anoud: meera, we both know you always think about him, and we both know you're scared of losing him. even if it was just as a friend. so meera, i know you're scared and im not encouraging you to do anything wrong but just be careful is all i'll say.
me: uff anoud i dont know! im gonna need your help. just keep telling me just friends okay just friends
anoud: just friends meeroo. friend zone!
Back to reality....
Diary, even though me and anoud kept trying and trying to convince me that we're just friends it didnt work. It's like he refused to leave my head. My mind was occupied by one thing and one thing only...RAKAN. I didnt tell arwa about me starting to like rakan, i mean that would have been awkward, but i know she would have been happy for me but come on, he's her cousin so no no no.
One night before eid... On BBM...
rakan: so meera? are you ready for eid?
me: shit shit shit! thats tomorrow?! i completely forgot :'( i dont have anything to wear!
rakan: -.- just take out anything from you're closet.
me: hmmm i'll look, i think i have a new dress and a new skirt i still havent worn. which one should i go for though, skirt or dress?
rakan: how am i supposed to know -_- just go with skirt
me: thanks -_-
rakan:come on, lets play the question game again.
Back to Reality...
we played normally, it was like part of our routine by now then we started asking each other about like past relationships and he was really surprised to know that i've never even dated x_x
BBM....
rakan: never ever? like not even dated a guy?
me: nope :$
rakan: okay you're turn
me: do you like anyone right now?
rakan: i think so
me: cool, okay you're turn
rakan: hahah don't you want to know who she is?
me: um okay, who is she? (i promise you diary i didnt know what was coming to me)
rakan: you, i like you meera
Back to reality...
As soon as he said that, i swear i think my heart stopped. i started getting so cold and i had goosebumps everywhere, huff diary walla i didnt know what to do. i was smiling from the inside but so terrified from the out. Rakan didnt know that i read it since i didnt move my scroller and right at that moment, anoud bbmed me and i clicked on her chat by accident... shit shit shit.
Don't let the fear of tomorrow stop you from succeeding today.
Wednesday 24 July 2013
chapter 2
Dear Diary,
Here i go, im gonna try my best to tell you what happened not leaving any information out and i'll try not to over exaggerate like almost all arabs do x_x ....
last october
Remember how i used to always have those meetings at school?
Yeah, so i had one coming up and as usual i got really stuck on the preparation work and research. The only reason i tried actually doing work this time was because it was gonna be huge and a lot of different schools were coming.
So, i tried asking arwa. you remember her diary, right? She's my bestfriend, the one i met a few years back on the family trip to Paris. well arwa didnt turn out to be the greatest help with my research...
On BBM...
me: arwooo please help me im so stuck on this stupid research i have no clue what to do.
arwa: sorry meero, walla i dont know how to help you, i dont even know what you're researching -.-
me: trust me i dont understand it enough to even explain it to you but i cant go empty handed again, i'll get embarrassed if they ask me questions and i dont even know the answers to them.
arwa: hmmm okay, add rakan and talk to him?
me: whos rakan? arwoo you know i dont talk to guys
arwa: oh my gosh meera! your memory babe :')
me: -.-
arwa: hahaha its okay, he's my cousin. dont you remember? you met him last year when you came over....
me: ohhh right!! but why should i add him? he'll probably be more clueless than you since he doesnt know what its even for and honestly im so over it so im not bothered to explain :D you know how lazy i am hehehe ;)
arwa: oh god. just add him and hes going to the same meeting so he'll understand. here 2F******
me: i'll see. i'll think about it. i cant just add the guy because 1) he'll be like wth does she want and 2) he might get the wrong picture
arwa: no no, i'll tell him right now. g2g i'll ttyl babe and good luck :*
me: okay thank you i'll ttyl xx
Back to reality....
Diary, i didnt know what to do i spent hours on bed just thinking about him and remembering what he looked like. Then i started contemplating whether i should add him or not. Finally, i decided on no but kept it away from arwa because i knew she would nag me about it.
On BBM...
arwa: ha meera, did he help you?
me: umm la i didnt add him
arwa: meeraaaa why?! meera its been 6 hours! you just wasted 6 hours that you could have done that research in and you could have been done by now! meera add him! NOW!
me: arwa dont get angry but it looks so wrong if i add him...
arwa: no it wont youre like my sister and he's like my brother so he could be like you're brother from another mister :D
me: seriously? do you really think its a good time for one of your jokes?
arwa: hufff okay just add him for 3 hours, finish your research and delete. i didnt ask you to marry him. your so stubborn! just make sure you finish your work so we can go out this weekend
me: fine! i'll talk to you later x
Back to reality...
Diary, i didnt know what to do. you know i was the most "religious" one out of all my cousins. but in that moment i felt like i didnt have a choice so i added him and to my surprise maybe it wasnt the greatest decision i made....
you can complain because roses have thorns, or you can rejoice because thorns have roses.
Here i go, im gonna try my best to tell you what happened not leaving any information out and i'll try not to over exaggerate like almost all arabs do x_x ....
last october
Remember how i used to always have those meetings at school?
Yeah, so i had one coming up and as usual i got really stuck on the preparation work and research. The only reason i tried actually doing work this time was because it was gonna be huge and a lot of different schools were coming.
So, i tried asking arwa. you remember her diary, right? She's my bestfriend, the one i met a few years back on the family trip to Paris. well arwa didnt turn out to be the greatest help with my research...
On BBM...
me: arwooo please help me im so stuck on this stupid research i have no clue what to do.
arwa: sorry meero, walla i dont know how to help you, i dont even know what you're researching -.-
me: trust me i dont understand it enough to even explain it to you but i cant go empty handed again, i'll get embarrassed if they ask me questions and i dont even know the answers to them.
arwa: hmmm okay, add rakan and talk to him?
me: whos rakan? arwoo you know i dont talk to guys
arwa: oh my gosh meera! your memory babe :')
me: -.-
arwa: hahaha its okay, he's my cousin. dont you remember? you met him last year when you came over....
me: ohhh right!! but why should i add him? he'll probably be more clueless than you since he doesnt know what its even for and honestly im so over it so im not bothered to explain :D you know how lazy i am hehehe ;)
arwa: oh god. just add him and hes going to the same meeting so he'll understand. here 2F******
me: i'll see. i'll think about it. i cant just add the guy because 1) he'll be like wth does she want and 2) he might get the wrong picture
arwa: no no, i'll tell him right now. g2g i'll ttyl babe and good luck :*
me: okay thank you i'll ttyl xx
Back to reality....
Diary, i didnt know what to do i spent hours on bed just thinking about him and remembering what he looked like. Then i started contemplating whether i should add him or not. Finally, i decided on no but kept it away from arwa because i knew she would nag me about it.
On BBM...
arwa: ha meera, did he help you?
me: umm la i didnt add him
arwa: meeraaaa why?! meera its been 6 hours! you just wasted 6 hours that you could have done that research in and you could have been done by now! meera add him! NOW!
me: arwa dont get angry but it looks so wrong if i add him...
arwa: no it wont youre like my sister and he's like my brother so he could be like you're brother from another mister :D
me: seriously? do you really think its a good time for one of your jokes?
arwa: hufff okay just add him for 3 hours, finish your research and delete. i didnt ask you to marry him. your so stubborn! just make sure you finish your work so we can go out this weekend
me: fine! i'll talk to you later x
Back to reality...
Diary, i didnt know what to do. you know i was the most "religious" one out of all my cousins. but in that moment i felt like i didnt have a choice so i added him and to my surprise maybe it wasnt the greatest decision i made....
you can complain because roses have thorns, or you can rejoice because thorns have roses.
Tuesday 23 July 2013
Dear Diary... chapter 1
Dear diary,
days and months have passed with this love/hate fury in my heart, not letting me clearly think. My life has changed so much within the space of a year. New bestfriends, new attitude and a new me.
My views on life even changed! Im no longer that little girl that was so close minded and was even scared to talk to people of the opposite gender. ( dont worry diary i didnt change to the extent that i throw my self at any guy available) i still have morals and after what has happened to me i know that everything happens for a reason.
i'm no where near the person i used to be, and this all happened last October when someone, a very unexpected someone entered my life and i may have given him the power to change me. Whether it was for the good or the bad i didnt know, all i know is that everything around me kept changing and changing, some to the good and others to the bad but change is good, right?
If only you knew how i felt. My entire life just flipped, but i guess in some way it was worth it in the end. i mean i did meet unforgettable people, and felt things i should have never felt and said things i should have never even uttered but everyone makes mistakes. im only human, right?
Diary, even telling you this i can feel those memories recollecting in my brain and starting my over thinking to take place. Diary, it took me 4 long and dreadful months to be able to gain myself back, to think straight but every time i think everything's gonna be okay, something wrong happens. My feelings change, my emotions take over and rage ends up being built in my heart, causing layers of thickness to build keeping everyone out because at some point even your closest friends turn on you. Especially me, its happened more than once, but still it breaks me every time.
Don't worry diary, i'll tell you the whole story from start to end, or at least i think its how it ends.
Just remember diary, everything happens for a reason and nothing lasts forever, or does it?
days and months have passed with this love/hate fury in my heart, not letting me clearly think. My life has changed so much within the space of a year. New bestfriends, new attitude and a new me.
My views on life even changed! Im no longer that little girl that was so close minded and was even scared to talk to people of the opposite gender. ( dont worry diary i didnt change to the extent that i throw my self at any guy available) i still have morals and after what has happened to me i know that everything happens for a reason.
i'm no where near the person i used to be, and this all happened last October when someone, a very unexpected someone entered my life and i may have given him the power to change me. Whether it was for the good or the bad i didnt know, all i know is that everything around me kept changing and changing, some to the good and others to the bad but change is good, right?
If only you knew how i felt. My entire life just flipped, but i guess in some way it was worth it in the end. i mean i did meet unforgettable people, and felt things i should have never felt and said things i should have never even uttered but everyone makes mistakes. im only human, right?
Diary, even telling you this i can feel those memories recollecting in my brain and starting my over thinking to take place. Diary, it took me 4 long and dreadful months to be able to gain myself back, to think straight but every time i think everything's gonna be okay, something wrong happens. My feelings change, my emotions take over and rage ends up being built in my heart, causing layers of thickness to build keeping everyone out because at some point even your closest friends turn on you. Especially me, its happened more than once, but still it breaks me every time.
Don't worry diary, i'll tell you the whole story from start to end, or at least i think its how it ends.
Just remember diary, everything happens for a reason and nothing lasts forever, or does it?
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