Dear Diary,
"i promise to be yours if you promise to be mine. i don't like waiting for things that wont stay with time".
For the next two days he visited me again, just to keep me company. All we did was watch movies or talk. During my last night, it wasn't different at all. He stayed with me till about 12am, just talking, but right before he left...
in the room
rakan: (hands me a little box)
That little box held a cute crystal crescent shaped necklace. As i looked up surprised and to thank him, he was gone. i wanted to call but soon remembered that his phone had been drained. Suddenly i felt scared without him. i felt lost without him. He didnt even say goodbye and i dont know when, or if we're even gonna see each other again soon.
i took the necklace out of the box, and as i took it out, a little piece of paper fell from the box.
"I'll miss you"
the thought of losing him killed me.
tears trickled down my face.
my heart half broken, half at peace. How could i ever put it in words? would i say i felt bitter sweet?
And at that thought i fell asleep...
The next morning i went home.
the first thing i did was go to my room and lay on my bed, which seemed quite huge and empty. His scent didnt linger here. I couldnt imagine him walking through my doors or sitting next to my bed.
i was surprised of myself. how could i miss someone so fast?
BBM
me: morning x
in the room
i waited for 5 minutes in hope that he was up and would reply, but to my luck, nothing.
At that i threw my phone to my side and got up to take a bubble bath.
maybe the warm water will wash away my sudden need for Rakan.
maybe the warm water will wash away my paranoia.
maybe the warm water will take my mind off of him for a while.
but the warm water will take his scent, his touch that i already longed for.
And all i could recall to keep myself calm was "we were always close, never apart, only in distance but never at heart"
you may wonder how i fell so hard for him diary, he was different. somehow he managed to break my walls down. he let me let him in. why him? why was it him out of everyone? i dont know, but im glad it was him who captivated my heart. However, the feeling of self doubt and guilt never left my side. was it paranoia? Or was it a gut feeling that something was coming my way?
