chapter 7

Dear Diary,
                   well, we just touched down in kuwait and i can feel the butterflies taking over.... in a bad way. My mother hasn't said anything yet but she keeps giving me these looks, i can see pain roaming in her eyes. My dad would look my way and give me slight hints of a smile, but never a real proper one. That tore my heart apart. i really wanted to know what was going on.

in the car...

me: mama. whats wrong?

mama: oh there isnt anything dont worry (gives a fake smile)

me: but mama, we're not on the way home. where on earth are we going? its like 3am!

mama: meera,(sighs) we need to take you to the hospital.

me: WHAT?! what for?! whats wrong with me?!

mama: (sighs) the doctor at the hotel said when we get back home, we need to take you to the hospital for an immediate check up and me and your father decided not to wait.

me: mama there isnt anything wrong with me! take me home!

baba: meera! listen to your mother and stop whining. we're going to the hospital right now and thats final!


The rest of the car ride was quiet and awkward. i'm guessing no one from the family knew we were back since my parents phones were not bombarded with calls and texts.  i decided to turn my phone on so i could listen to some music, as i turned it on i found multiple bbm's from different people. i just skipped them all except for 2 that caught my attention. Rakan's and Bebe's. 

On BBM...

Rakan: hey
            how are you feeling today?
            meera?
            you there?
            tell me when you see this
            meera did something happen to you?!
            meera answer me
  
 (as i read what rakan wrote, i felt my heart cringe and twist from it. how can something so wrong feel so right?)      

me:  hey rakan im sorry. i wasnt feeling very well but dont worry, im fine now

 (i didnt want to tell him the truth. what was i supposed to say? oh hi rakan im back home and currently on the way to the hospital because apparently something is wrong with me? how would he even react to that? would he even care?)

rakan: meera finally you answered! you got me so worried. what happened? i hope you get better soon

me: why are you up? its like 3:30am

rakan: i couldnt sleep, plus you got me worried, i was gonna call but was scared your mum would answer

(as he said that, once again the butterflies made their way to my stomach, and this time it was for a good cause. it made me fall for him that tiny bit more knowing that he cared about me. knowing that there was someone out there other than my parents who actually cared. even if it was tiny, it meant the world to me.)

me: dont worry rakan. really, i'm better. please get some sleep. i feel a little guilty knowing i might be the reason that you're still up.

rakan: okay. good night meero. call me if you need anything x

me: rakan wait
      one more thing

rakan: whats up?

me: i just wanted to let you know that i just got to kuwait. im sorry i didnt say anything before it was all so sudden 

(i know what youre thinking diary, "how stupid of you meera. now he'll ask questions" i felt bad lying to him, i dont know but it felt so wrong, like to him of all people. i know i wasnt telling him the entire truth but a little is better than nothing at all right?)

rakan: meera are you sure youre okay? if youre at home can i call you?

(shit shit shit is all that went through my head)

me: no no! rakan dont call please.

rakan: meera where are you and what are you keeping from me?

me: i promise you im in kuwait but im with my parents so i cant talk

rakan: okay then, so when you get home ping me and i'll call you

me: rakan no.
      i cant.

rakan: no excuses. im waiting for that ping. 
           till then :)

me: rakan no
       rakan please
       rakan!!

no answer. he kept ignoring me so i gave up trying and remembered that bebe sent me something.

bebe: hey meera! 
         you cant keep avoiding me dear :*
         dont forget that you'll be home soon 
         have fun till then gorgeous xx

back in the car...

what the hell?! what else did she want from me? why me? what have i ever done to her?
i need to do something about this. i dont want her to know that im here. i dont want anyone to know that im back.

me: umm mum, is it okay if no one from the family knows im back?

mama: and why is that?

me: uhh-ummm i just dont want them to get worried thats all :)  can you please just tell them im staying in switzerland for another week going to camp or something?

mama: we'll see. get down now, its time for your check up.

in the hospital...

i did all the necessary blood tests and everything that stupid doctor wanted. i started feeling sick and like i want to throw up. I always get nauseated but not to this extent. we waited for an hour till my results came out.

just as the doctor was coming out to tell us the results. thats when it hit me. 
i felt a surge of pain rising within the pit of my stomach and at that i fell to the floor screaming, looked to my right and right then and there it came out. i threw up. 
After that everything went black, the last thing i remember was the faint voice of my mother screaming my name as she tugged on my arm.  




     

chapter 6

Dear Diary, 
                   where should i start today? well my depression is developing, especially after istatha bebe threatened me. Right now i hate her! i love her for looking out for me but i hate how she's doing it. She can literally ruin me. My mother started realizing too, it wasnt just rakan, they started realising something was bothering me. You see diary, you know im a food lover and i love both sweet and salty things yet i stopped eating. 

It's been a week in switzerland (sorry i dont remember which country i chose before :p)  and well my health isnt at its best right now. Everyday rakan would ask me what was wrong and all i would say was "nothing" , "dont worry i'm fine"....
I turned pale. Got hay fever and now i was really stuck in bed with nothing but my laptop, and i was forced to eat food because well apparently im on the verge of becoming anemic. The hotel doctor dropped by yesterday and gave me like 6 different packets of medicine. 
My routine turned to wake up, food, medicine, laptop, food, medicine then sleep. Fun right?!

Everyday rakan tried getting it out of me and the entire time i never spoke to bebe. Until one day...

On BBM...

arwa: meera i need to talk to you about something

me: whats wrong? what happened now?

arwa: meera its your cousin 

me: what happened? 

arwa: she asked me about rakan...
          and she said "make sure meera and rakan arent together and if they are you better tell me or else"

back to reality...

Diary, what should i do with myself?! what the hell, now they threaten my bestfriend!
my own cousins! wow what a family i have. they didnt even have the decency to come and ask me. they just made their own assumptions. nice, okay bebe, its on.

On BBM...

me: thank you bebe! you made my own cousins make assumptions about me and judge me. i didnt think you were that type of person

bebe: no problemo cutie. you'll see more when you're back :*

back to reality..

 i cant even move from this bed, so i have no clue how to deal with this bitch. 


mama: meera get up and pack your bags please. we're going back to kuwait.

me: why so early?

mama: because it seems like Switzerland's weather isnt doing you any good. 

i didnt talk to rakan for the rest of the day, or to anyone. i didnt want to go back. i was so scared and nervous because of bebe and my mother sounded so fishy. could bebe have told her?! no no she wouldnt, would she?