Wednesday 31 July 2013
chapter 5
Dear Diary,
:'((((( i swear i felt my heart just fall into my stomach. uff uff uff who does she think she is to check my contacts. what am i supposed to do now?!!
in the car with bebe...
me: oh him, umm he, umm is with me in school. yeah yeah hes with me in school
bebe: ahaaa... your parents know you talk to a guy?
me: hahah ofcourse, im just friends with the guy, i didnt do anything wrong!
bebe: ahaa hmmm okay whatever, we're here.
me: (uff thank god, is time finally working in my favor?) okay thank you babe, i'll talk to you as soon as we land :*
back to reality.....
Diary, when she gave me back my phone i realized queen bebe opened my recent updates -.-
Anyway as soon as we checked in and finished everything, nothing is roaming in my head other than rakan and i dont know how to get him out :(
so i decided to talk to him but it wasnt awkward, he pretended like nothing happened :DDDDD *happy dance*
on BBM...
me: rakan i have to go, i'll tell you as soon as i land x
rakan: okay. take care x
back to reality....
My first 2 days in that country were perfect, me and rakan we're getting back on our friendship track and well life was going well, until 1 day when i tried to talk to bebe and she was all mad and fussy. whats wrong with her?
on bbm....
me: bebe whats wrong? why are you so mad at me? what did i do to you?!
bebe: oh nothing, i just never thought you were the type to talk to guys in that way
me: wth?! bebe i told you he's my friend from school! i cant believe you of all people would start judging me
back to reality....
i swear diary like okay i liked rakan but i wasnt gonna let anything develop more than a friendship, and bebe knew me well enough to know how i am. i know i lied to her but if i told her the truth she would never understand and she would go and tell all my cousins and they'll tell my parents and then i'll get killed because everyone will get the wrong picture :'( </3
After that bebe started lecturing me about my reputation and how everyone knows us and how things spread quickly, like okay just stop talking! i get the picture! just leave me alone!
The next day
Diary, ive been so off ever since yesterday morning all because of bebe, my mood has gone down hill.... depression here i come. i dont even want to go out and i havent eaten because well i cant.
i feel so guilty for lieing to bebe but at the same time im so mad and pissed off at her for judging me like okay i did something wrong by becoming friends with a guy (in her eyes) but i swear he's a human not a monster, i dont get why its so bad to be friends with the opposite gender.
rakan started realizing that i was being off because i always used to answer his bbm's with one word or i would take hours to reply because honestly i know it sounds stupid now but i went through like a mini depression/ anxiety. All i did was sleep so i could get away from reality.
Diary, Bebe threatened to tell all my cousins and basically ruin me......
keep your head held high princess, your tiara is falling.
Friday 26 July 2013
chapter 4
Dear Diary,
what the hell just happened?!!! At that moment i wanted to disappear you know when they say "i want the earth to crack open and just sallow me"? yeah, i wanted that to happen to me.
On BBM...
anoud: yalla meero, im going to bed. nightt xxx
me: anoud no
anoud
i need you
anoud he told me he liked me!
i dont know what to do
Back to reality...
To my luck, anoud didnt answer, she didnt even read them. Diary i honestly got so torn. I even tried pinging her like 10 times, but sadly, i had no luck. Thinking back to it now, i still get butterflies and a smile starts creeping on to my face. I know that's really bad, but diary, what was i to do? i was a little girl who thought the world was finally working in her favor.
20 minutes passed and i still didnt answer him. let me remind you diary, he knew that i read it. Thinking back i want to laugh at myself and maybe slap myself for being so rude. I literally froze in my place. I was soo cold to the point i actually got up to get a hoodie and turn my ac off x_x
On BBM...
rakan: haha, did i just make this awkward?
me: hahah, noo
sorry, i got cold so went to get a hoodie hahah (diary, just remembering that i said that to him, i want to slap myself, i mean how more stupid can i get? but just to make myself feel better i say to myself "atleast you told him the truth meera")
me: umm rakan. its not that i dont like you, but you know i dont date and all that. i would love to be friends, but i understand if you dont want...
rakan: no, its okay. i understand, but id like to stay friends. you're a good friend :)
Back to reality...
Diary!!!! Why did i have to be so stupid? After that, rakan barely talked to me, he was like "i'm with my brothers so i'll talk to you later :)" What was i supposed to do? ufff. I tried letting it go so i could get a few hours of sleep.
when i woke up i checked my phone, and to my surprise there was nothing from rakan. NOTHING! I know what you're thinking diary "why would he say anything after last night's awkwardness?" but diary me and him agreed to be bestfriends. I'm so used to him sending me good morning text messages, they used to be the highlight of my day. So obviously there wasn't anything i could do about it, so i said good morning to him and all he gave me was a "morning" no emotion, no nothing </3.
I was gonna travel in a few hours to switzerland and i really wanted the waters to be clear between me and rakan but hufffff is all i can say.
It's time for me to go to the airport and he still hasn't said anything i didnt wanna talk to him in front of Bebe. you remember her diary right? well she's the family friend, the one i was closest to but i still didnt tell her about rakan, you know my family isnt open to all that boy stuff, and neither was hers. Oh, btw i didnt tell any of my cousins because that would be wayyy too awkward, me being the youngest girl in the entire family and all. They still tease me even though im 17, like just stop! they can get soo annoying.
Bebe drove me to the airport. i cant believe her parents finally let her get her license, i mean she was 21! My parents went in another car with the driver.
In the car....
Bebe: huff i hate having to wait at traffic lights
and the traffic is just... oh god
meero. give me your phone please im planning on getting a BB and i just want to see how it is.
me: here (dont worry diary i deleted the chat between me and rakan and i really doubt she's gonna go through 90 contacts)
10 minutes passed, the traffic lights opened twice and we still didnt pass...
Bebe: meera, who's rakan?
me: wha-what?
There's something disturbing about recalling a warm memory and feeling utterly cold.
what the hell just happened?!!! At that moment i wanted to disappear you know when they say "i want the earth to crack open and just sallow me"? yeah, i wanted that to happen to me.
On BBM...
anoud: yalla meero, im going to bed. nightt xxx
me: anoud no
anoud
i need you
anoud he told me he liked me!
i dont know what to do
Back to reality...
To my luck, anoud didnt answer, she didnt even read them. Diary i honestly got so torn. I even tried pinging her like 10 times, but sadly, i had no luck. Thinking back to it now, i still get butterflies and a smile starts creeping on to my face. I know that's really bad, but diary, what was i to do? i was a little girl who thought the world was finally working in her favor.
20 minutes passed and i still didnt answer him. let me remind you diary, he knew that i read it. Thinking back i want to laugh at myself and maybe slap myself for being so rude. I literally froze in my place. I was soo cold to the point i actually got up to get a hoodie and turn my ac off x_x
On BBM...
rakan: haha, did i just make this awkward?
me: hahah, noo
sorry, i got cold so went to get a hoodie hahah (diary, just remembering that i said that to him, i want to slap myself, i mean how more stupid can i get? but just to make myself feel better i say to myself "atleast you told him the truth meera")
me: umm rakan. its not that i dont like you, but you know i dont date and all that. i would love to be friends, but i understand if you dont want...
rakan: no, its okay. i understand, but id like to stay friends. you're a good friend :)
Back to reality...
Diary!!!! Why did i have to be so stupid? After that, rakan barely talked to me, he was like "i'm with my brothers so i'll talk to you later :)" What was i supposed to do? ufff. I tried letting it go so i could get a few hours of sleep.
when i woke up i checked my phone, and to my surprise there was nothing from rakan. NOTHING! I know what you're thinking diary "why would he say anything after last night's awkwardness?" but diary me and him agreed to be bestfriends. I'm so used to him sending me good morning text messages, they used to be the highlight of my day. So obviously there wasn't anything i could do about it, so i said good morning to him and all he gave me was a "morning" no emotion, no nothing </3.
I was gonna travel in a few hours to switzerland and i really wanted the waters to be clear between me and rakan but hufffff is all i can say.
It's time for me to go to the airport and he still hasn't said anything i didnt wanna talk to him in front of Bebe. you remember her diary right? well she's the family friend, the one i was closest to but i still didnt tell her about rakan, you know my family isnt open to all that boy stuff, and neither was hers. Oh, btw i didnt tell any of my cousins because that would be wayyy too awkward, me being the youngest girl in the entire family and all. They still tease me even though im 17, like just stop! they can get soo annoying.
Bebe drove me to the airport. i cant believe her parents finally let her get her license, i mean she was 21! My parents went in another car with the driver.
In the car....
Bebe: huff i hate having to wait at traffic lights
and the traffic is just... oh god
meero. give me your phone please im planning on getting a BB and i just want to see how it is.
me: here (dont worry diary i deleted the chat between me and rakan and i really doubt she's gonna go through 90 contacts)
10 minutes passed, the traffic lights opened twice and we still didnt pass...
Bebe: meera, who's rakan?
me: wha-what?
There's something disturbing about recalling a warm memory and feeling utterly cold.
Thursday 25 July 2013
chapter 3
Dear Diary,
hufff! Where do i even start? Lets just say at that moment rakan was actually... no help. He was as clueless as me and he didnt know what to do with his work either.
Me and rakan ended up talking and talking randomly and well he wasn't as bad as i thought he would be. He turned out to be, well actually nice.
On BBM...
rakan: what are you up to?
me: nothing really, im so bored. wbu?
rakan: just chilling. how about we play a game?
me: sure, what do you have in mind?
rakan: hahaha laa choosing the game is up to you. I gave the idea ;)
me: hahah okay...hmmm how about the question game?
rakan: okay. you first.
Back to reality...
Diary, me and Rakan kept playing that game for weeks. It was just a fun way of trying to get to know each other. I know what you're thinking diary. "why didnt you delete him from the start?" Diary, something stopped me. I found it so easy to let him in. I found it so easy to tell him everything and he never judged me or anything. Diary you knew people always made fun of my weight and i never talked about it, well to him i found it so easy and this is what he said to me....
On BMM...
me: people used to call me fat. straight to my face
rakan: meera, next time anyone says anything to you, you come straight to me and give me their names. I'll beat them up for you
me: hahah noo, its okay. i got used to it :P
rakan: you know what, actually give me their names now!
me: rakan la, please its okay but thank you so much :)
rakan: are you sure? if you change your mind im right here x
Back to reality...
i know what you're thinking again diary "i thought you were gonna tell me he called you beautiful or something like that" but he didnt, because the last time he saw me was a year ago and well i dont think he remembers me a lot and honestly i didnt remember him either. And well maybe he didnt find me beautiful i was still clueless. Diary, you know im still new to all this. The last person who called me beautiful was my mother.
During those weeks that me and rakan got to know each other, we used to BBM 24/7 like from when we woke up till we went back to bed so you can say i really knew him, because by the time rakan was like one of my closest friends it was already November and Eid was around the corner.
By the way diary, just in case you forgot anoud, she's my other bestfriend. The one that moved to the states last year. The one that always wore her scarf. Dont worry diary, i still do my daily updates with her so she still knows everything about my life, including the new people that have entered it *cough* *cough* rakan ;)
On BBM...
me: anoud i dont know really, im just starting to feel weird. ya3ny ive never felt this way before.
anoud: meero! i think you're starting to like him!
me: what!? no! how can i like someone so fast? anoud its only been like a month and a few weeks!
anoud: meera, we both know you always think about him, and we both know you're scared of losing him. even if it was just as a friend. so meera, i know you're scared and im not encouraging you to do anything wrong but just be careful is all i'll say.
me: uff anoud i dont know! im gonna need your help. just keep telling me just friends okay just friends
anoud: just friends meeroo. friend zone!
Back to reality....
Diary, even though me and anoud kept trying and trying to convince me that we're just friends it didnt work. It's like he refused to leave my head. My mind was occupied by one thing and one thing only...RAKAN. I didnt tell arwa about me starting to like rakan, i mean that would have been awkward, but i know she would have been happy for me but come on, he's her cousin so no no no.
One night before eid... On BBM...
rakan: so meera? are you ready for eid?
me: shit shit shit! thats tomorrow?! i completely forgot :'( i dont have anything to wear!
rakan: -.- just take out anything from you're closet.
me: hmmm i'll look, i think i have a new dress and a new skirt i still havent worn. which one should i go for though, skirt or dress?
rakan: how am i supposed to know -_- just go with skirt
me: thanks -_-
rakan:come on, lets play the question game again.
Back to Reality...
we played normally, it was like part of our routine by now then we started asking each other about like past relationships and he was really surprised to know that i've never even dated x_x
BBM....
rakan: never ever? like not even dated a guy?
me: nope :$
rakan: okay you're turn
me: do you like anyone right now?
rakan: i think so
me: cool, okay you're turn
rakan: hahah don't you want to know who she is?
me: um okay, who is she? (i promise you diary i didnt know what was coming to me)
rakan: you, i like you meera
Back to reality...
As soon as he said that, i swear i think my heart stopped. i started getting so cold and i had goosebumps everywhere, huff diary walla i didnt know what to do. i was smiling from the inside but so terrified from the out. Rakan didnt know that i read it since i didnt move my scroller and right at that moment, anoud bbmed me and i clicked on her chat by accident... shit shit shit.
Don't let the fear of tomorrow stop you from succeeding today.
hufff! Where do i even start? Lets just say at that moment rakan was actually... no help. He was as clueless as me and he didnt know what to do with his work either.
Me and rakan ended up talking and talking randomly and well he wasn't as bad as i thought he would be. He turned out to be, well actually nice.
On BBM...
rakan: what are you up to?
me: nothing really, im so bored. wbu?
rakan: just chilling. how about we play a game?
me: sure, what do you have in mind?
rakan: hahaha laa choosing the game is up to you. I gave the idea ;)
me: hahah okay...hmmm how about the question game?
rakan: okay. you first.
Back to reality...
Diary, me and Rakan kept playing that game for weeks. It was just a fun way of trying to get to know each other. I know what you're thinking diary. "why didnt you delete him from the start?" Diary, something stopped me. I found it so easy to let him in. I found it so easy to tell him everything and he never judged me or anything. Diary you knew people always made fun of my weight and i never talked about it, well to him i found it so easy and this is what he said to me....
On BMM...
me: people used to call me fat. straight to my face
rakan: meera, next time anyone says anything to you, you come straight to me and give me their names. I'll beat them up for you
me: hahah noo, its okay. i got used to it :P
rakan: you know what, actually give me their names now!
me: rakan la, please its okay but thank you so much :)
rakan: are you sure? if you change your mind im right here x
Back to reality...
i know what you're thinking again diary "i thought you were gonna tell me he called you beautiful or something like that" but he didnt, because the last time he saw me was a year ago and well i dont think he remembers me a lot and honestly i didnt remember him either. And well maybe he didnt find me beautiful i was still clueless. Diary, you know im still new to all this. The last person who called me beautiful was my mother.
During those weeks that me and rakan got to know each other, we used to BBM 24/7 like from when we woke up till we went back to bed so you can say i really knew him, because by the time rakan was like one of my closest friends it was already November and Eid was around the corner.
By the way diary, just in case you forgot anoud, she's my other bestfriend. The one that moved to the states last year. The one that always wore her scarf. Dont worry diary, i still do my daily updates with her so she still knows everything about my life, including the new people that have entered it *cough* *cough* rakan ;)
On BBM...
me: anoud i dont know really, im just starting to feel weird. ya3ny ive never felt this way before.
anoud: meero! i think you're starting to like him!
me: what!? no! how can i like someone so fast? anoud its only been like a month and a few weeks!
anoud: meera, we both know you always think about him, and we both know you're scared of losing him. even if it was just as a friend. so meera, i know you're scared and im not encouraging you to do anything wrong but just be careful is all i'll say.
me: uff anoud i dont know! im gonna need your help. just keep telling me just friends okay just friends
anoud: just friends meeroo. friend zone!
Back to reality....
Diary, even though me and anoud kept trying and trying to convince me that we're just friends it didnt work. It's like he refused to leave my head. My mind was occupied by one thing and one thing only...RAKAN. I didnt tell arwa about me starting to like rakan, i mean that would have been awkward, but i know she would have been happy for me but come on, he's her cousin so no no no.
One night before eid... On BBM...
rakan: so meera? are you ready for eid?
me: shit shit shit! thats tomorrow?! i completely forgot :'( i dont have anything to wear!
rakan: -.- just take out anything from you're closet.
me: hmmm i'll look, i think i have a new dress and a new skirt i still havent worn. which one should i go for though, skirt or dress?
rakan: how am i supposed to know -_- just go with skirt
me: thanks -_-
rakan:come on, lets play the question game again.
Back to Reality...
we played normally, it was like part of our routine by now then we started asking each other about like past relationships and he was really surprised to know that i've never even dated x_x
BBM....
rakan: never ever? like not even dated a guy?
me: nope :$
rakan: okay you're turn
me: do you like anyone right now?
rakan: i think so
me: cool, okay you're turn
rakan: hahah don't you want to know who she is?
me: um okay, who is she? (i promise you diary i didnt know what was coming to me)
rakan: you, i like you meera
Back to reality...
As soon as he said that, i swear i think my heart stopped. i started getting so cold and i had goosebumps everywhere, huff diary walla i didnt know what to do. i was smiling from the inside but so terrified from the out. Rakan didnt know that i read it since i didnt move my scroller and right at that moment, anoud bbmed me and i clicked on her chat by accident... shit shit shit.
Don't let the fear of tomorrow stop you from succeeding today.
Wednesday 24 July 2013
chapter 2
Dear Diary,
Here i go, im gonna try my best to tell you what happened not leaving any information out and i'll try not to over exaggerate like almost all arabs do x_x ....
last october
Remember how i used to always have those meetings at school?
Yeah, so i had one coming up and as usual i got really stuck on the preparation work and research. The only reason i tried actually doing work this time was because it was gonna be huge and a lot of different schools were coming.
So, i tried asking arwa. you remember her diary, right? She's my bestfriend, the one i met a few years back on the family trip to Paris. well arwa didnt turn out to be the greatest help with my research...
On BBM...
me: arwooo please help me im so stuck on this stupid research i have no clue what to do.
arwa: sorry meero, walla i dont know how to help you, i dont even know what you're researching -.-
me: trust me i dont understand it enough to even explain it to you but i cant go empty handed again, i'll get embarrassed if they ask me questions and i dont even know the answers to them.
arwa: hmmm okay, add rakan and talk to him?
me: whos rakan? arwoo you know i dont talk to guys
arwa: oh my gosh meera! your memory babe :')
me: -.-
arwa: hahaha its okay, he's my cousin. dont you remember? you met him last year when you came over....
me: ohhh right!! but why should i add him? he'll probably be more clueless than you since he doesnt know what its even for and honestly im so over it so im not bothered to explain :D you know how lazy i am hehehe ;)
arwa: oh god. just add him and hes going to the same meeting so he'll understand. here 2F******
me: i'll see. i'll think about it. i cant just add the guy because 1) he'll be like wth does she want and 2) he might get the wrong picture
arwa: no no, i'll tell him right now. g2g i'll ttyl babe and good luck :*
me: okay thank you i'll ttyl xx
Back to reality....
Diary, i didnt know what to do i spent hours on bed just thinking about him and remembering what he looked like. Then i started contemplating whether i should add him or not. Finally, i decided on no but kept it away from arwa because i knew she would nag me about it.
On BBM...
arwa: ha meera, did he help you?
me: umm la i didnt add him
arwa: meeraaaa why?! meera its been 6 hours! you just wasted 6 hours that you could have done that research in and you could have been done by now! meera add him! NOW!
me: arwa dont get angry but it looks so wrong if i add him...
arwa: no it wont youre like my sister and he's like my brother so he could be like you're brother from another mister :D
me: seriously? do you really think its a good time for one of your jokes?
arwa: hufff okay just add him for 3 hours, finish your research and delete. i didnt ask you to marry him. your so stubborn! just make sure you finish your work so we can go out this weekend
me: fine! i'll talk to you later x
Back to reality...
Diary, i didnt know what to do. you know i was the most "religious" one out of all my cousins. but in that moment i felt like i didnt have a choice so i added him and to my surprise maybe it wasnt the greatest decision i made....
you can complain because roses have thorns, or you can rejoice because thorns have roses.
Here i go, im gonna try my best to tell you what happened not leaving any information out and i'll try not to over exaggerate like almost all arabs do x_x ....
last october
Remember how i used to always have those meetings at school?
Yeah, so i had one coming up and as usual i got really stuck on the preparation work and research. The only reason i tried actually doing work this time was because it was gonna be huge and a lot of different schools were coming.
So, i tried asking arwa. you remember her diary, right? She's my bestfriend, the one i met a few years back on the family trip to Paris. well arwa didnt turn out to be the greatest help with my research...
On BBM...
me: arwooo please help me im so stuck on this stupid research i have no clue what to do.
arwa: sorry meero, walla i dont know how to help you, i dont even know what you're researching -.-
me: trust me i dont understand it enough to even explain it to you but i cant go empty handed again, i'll get embarrassed if they ask me questions and i dont even know the answers to them.
arwa: hmmm okay, add rakan and talk to him?
me: whos rakan? arwoo you know i dont talk to guys
arwa: oh my gosh meera! your memory babe :')
me: -.-
arwa: hahaha its okay, he's my cousin. dont you remember? you met him last year when you came over....
me: ohhh right!! but why should i add him? he'll probably be more clueless than you since he doesnt know what its even for and honestly im so over it so im not bothered to explain :D you know how lazy i am hehehe ;)
arwa: oh god. just add him and hes going to the same meeting so he'll understand. here 2F******
me: i'll see. i'll think about it. i cant just add the guy because 1) he'll be like wth does she want and 2) he might get the wrong picture
arwa: no no, i'll tell him right now. g2g i'll ttyl babe and good luck :*
me: okay thank you i'll ttyl xx
Back to reality....
Diary, i didnt know what to do i spent hours on bed just thinking about him and remembering what he looked like. Then i started contemplating whether i should add him or not. Finally, i decided on no but kept it away from arwa because i knew she would nag me about it.
On BBM...
arwa: ha meera, did he help you?
me: umm la i didnt add him
arwa: meeraaaa why?! meera its been 6 hours! you just wasted 6 hours that you could have done that research in and you could have been done by now! meera add him! NOW!
me: arwa dont get angry but it looks so wrong if i add him...
arwa: no it wont youre like my sister and he's like my brother so he could be like you're brother from another mister :D
me: seriously? do you really think its a good time for one of your jokes?
arwa: hufff okay just add him for 3 hours, finish your research and delete. i didnt ask you to marry him. your so stubborn! just make sure you finish your work so we can go out this weekend
me: fine! i'll talk to you later x
Back to reality...
Diary, i didnt know what to do. you know i was the most "religious" one out of all my cousins. but in that moment i felt like i didnt have a choice so i added him and to my surprise maybe it wasnt the greatest decision i made....
you can complain because roses have thorns, or you can rejoice because thorns have roses.
Tuesday 23 July 2013
Dear Diary... chapter 1
Dear diary,
days and months have passed with this love/hate fury in my heart, not letting me clearly think. My life has changed so much within the space of a year. New bestfriends, new attitude and a new me.
My views on life even changed! Im no longer that little girl that was so close minded and was even scared to talk to people of the opposite gender. ( dont worry diary i didnt change to the extent that i throw my self at any guy available) i still have morals and after what has happened to me i know that everything happens for a reason.
i'm no where near the person i used to be, and this all happened last October when someone, a very unexpected someone entered my life and i may have given him the power to change me. Whether it was for the good or the bad i didnt know, all i know is that everything around me kept changing and changing, some to the good and others to the bad but change is good, right?
If only you knew how i felt. My entire life just flipped, but i guess in some way it was worth it in the end. i mean i did meet unforgettable people, and felt things i should have never felt and said things i should have never even uttered but everyone makes mistakes. im only human, right?
Diary, even telling you this i can feel those memories recollecting in my brain and starting my over thinking to take place. Diary, it took me 4 long and dreadful months to be able to gain myself back, to think straight but every time i think everything's gonna be okay, something wrong happens. My feelings change, my emotions take over and rage ends up being built in my heart, causing layers of thickness to build keeping everyone out because at some point even your closest friends turn on you. Especially me, its happened more than once, but still it breaks me every time.
Don't worry diary, i'll tell you the whole story from start to end, or at least i think its how it ends.
Just remember diary, everything happens for a reason and nothing lasts forever, or does it?
days and months have passed with this love/hate fury in my heart, not letting me clearly think. My life has changed so much within the space of a year. New bestfriends, new attitude and a new me.
My views on life even changed! Im no longer that little girl that was so close minded and was even scared to talk to people of the opposite gender. ( dont worry diary i didnt change to the extent that i throw my self at any guy available) i still have morals and after what has happened to me i know that everything happens for a reason.
i'm no where near the person i used to be, and this all happened last October when someone, a very unexpected someone entered my life and i may have given him the power to change me. Whether it was for the good or the bad i didnt know, all i know is that everything around me kept changing and changing, some to the good and others to the bad but change is good, right?
If only you knew how i felt. My entire life just flipped, but i guess in some way it was worth it in the end. i mean i did meet unforgettable people, and felt things i should have never felt and said things i should have never even uttered but everyone makes mistakes. im only human, right?
Diary, even telling you this i can feel those memories recollecting in my brain and starting my over thinking to take place. Diary, it took me 4 long and dreadful months to be able to gain myself back, to think straight but every time i think everything's gonna be okay, something wrong happens. My feelings change, my emotions take over and rage ends up being built in my heart, causing layers of thickness to build keeping everyone out because at some point even your closest friends turn on you. Especially me, its happened more than once, but still it breaks me every time.
Don't worry diary, i'll tell you the whole story from start to end, or at least i think its how it ends.
Just remember diary, everything happens for a reason and nothing lasts forever, or does it?
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