chapter 4

Dear Diary,
                    what the hell just happened?!!! At that moment i wanted to disappear  you know when they say "i want the earth to crack open and just sallow me"? yeah, i wanted that to happen to me. 

On BBM...

anoud: yalla meero, im going to bed. nightt xxx

me: anoud no
       anoud 
       i need you
      anoud he told me he liked me! 
      i dont know what to do

Back to reality...

To my luck, anoud didnt answer, she didnt even read them. Diary i honestly got so torn. I even tried pinging her like 10 times, but sadly, i had no luck. Thinking back to it now, i still get butterflies and a smile starts creeping on to my face. I know that's really bad, but diary, what was i to do? i was a little girl who thought the world was finally working in her favor. 

20 minutes passed and i still didnt answer him. let me remind you diary, he knew that i read it. Thinking back i want to laugh at myself and maybe slap myself for being so rude. I literally froze in my place. I was soo cold to the point i actually got up to get a hoodie and turn my ac off x_x

On BBM...

rakan: haha, did i just make this awkward?

me: hahah, noo
       sorry, i got cold so went to get a hoodie hahah (diary, just remembering that i said that to him, i want to slap myself, i mean how more stupid can i get? but just to make myself feel better i say to myself "atleast you told him the truth meera")

me: umm rakan. its not that i dont like you, but you know i dont date and all that. i would love to be friends, but i understand if you dont want...

rakan: no, its okay. i understand, but id like to stay friends. you're a good friend :) 

Back to reality...

Diary!!!! Why did i have to be so stupid? After that, rakan barely talked to me, he was like "i'm with my brothers so i'll talk to you later :)" What was i supposed to do? ufff. I tried letting it go so i could get a few hours of sleep.

when i woke up i checked my phone, and to my surprise there was nothing from rakan. NOTHING! I know what you're thinking diary "why would he say anything after last night's awkwardness?" but diary me and him agreed to be bestfriends. I'm so used to him sending me good morning text messages, they used to be the highlight of my day. So obviously there wasn't anything i could do about it, so i said good morning to him and all he gave me was a "morning" no emotion, no nothing </3.

I was gonna travel in a few hours to switzerland and i really wanted the waters to be clear between me and rakan but hufffff is all i can say.

 It's time for me to go to the airport and he still hasn't said anything i didnt wanna talk to him in front of Bebe. you remember her diary right? well she's the family friend, the one i was closest to but i still didnt tell her about rakan, you know my family isnt open to all that boy stuff, and neither was hers. Oh, btw i didnt tell any of my cousins because that would be wayyy too awkward, me being the youngest girl in the entire family and all. They still tease me even though im 17, like just stop! they can get soo annoying. 

Bebe drove me to the airport. i cant believe her parents finally let her get her license, i mean she was 21! My parents went in another car with the driver.

In the car....

Bebe: huff i hate having to wait at traffic lights
           and the traffic is just... oh god
           meero. give me your phone please im planning on getting a BB and i just want to see how it is.

me: here (dont worry diary i deleted the chat between me and rakan and i really doubt she's gonna go through 90 contacts)

10 minutes passed, the traffic lights opened twice and we still didnt pass...

Bebe: meera, who's rakan?

me: wha-what?



There's something disturbing about recalling a warm memory and feeling utterly cold.