chapter 3

Dear Diary,
                   hufff! Where do i even start? Lets just say at that moment rakan was actually... no help. He was as clueless as me and he didnt know what to do with his work either. 

Me and rakan ended up talking and talking randomly and well he wasn't as bad as i thought he would be. He turned out to be, well actually nice.

On BBM...

rakan: what are you up to?

me: nothing really, im so bored. wbu?

rakan: just chilling. how about we play a game?

me: sure, what do you have in mind?

rakan: hahaha laa choosing the game is up to you. I gave the idea ;)

me: hahah okay...hmmm how about the question game?

rakan: okay. you first.

Back to reality...

Diary, me and Rakan kept playing that game for weeks. It was just a fun way of trying to get to know each other. I know what you're thinking diary. "why didnt you delete him from the start?" Diary, something stopped me. I found it so easy to let him in. I found it so easy to tell him everything and he never judged me or anything. Diary you knew people always made fun of my weight and i never talked about it, well to him i found it so easy and this is what he said to me....

On BMM...

me: people used to call me fat. straight to my face 

rakan: meera, next time anyone says anything to you, you come straight to me and give me their names. I'll beat them up for you

me: hahah noo, its okay. i got used to it :P

rakan: you know what, actually give me their names now!

me: rakan la, please its okay but thank you so much :)

rakan: are you sure? if you change your mind im right here x

Back to reality...

i know what you're thinking again diary "i thought you were gonna tell me he called you beautiful or something like that" but he didnt, because the last time he saw me was a year ago and well i dont think he remembers me a lot and honestly i didnt remember him either. And well maybe he didnt find me beautiful i was still clueless. Diary, you know im still new to all this. The last person who called me beautiful was my mother.

During those weeks that me and rakan got to know each other, we used to BBM 24/7 like from when we woke up till we went back to bed so you can say i really knew him, because by the time rakan was like one of my closest friends it was already November and Eid was around the corner.

By the way diary, just in case you forgot anoud, she's my other bestfriend. The one that moved to the states last year. The one that always wore her scarf. Dont worry diary, i still do my daily updates with her so she still knows everything about my life, including the new people that have entered it *cough* *cough* rakan ;)

On BBM...

me: anoud i dont know really, im just starting to feel weird. ya3ny ive never felt this way before. 

anoud: meero! i think you're starting to like him!

me: what!? no! how can i like someone so fast? anoud its only been like a month and a few weeks!

anoud: meera, we both know you always think about him, and we both know you're scared of losing him. even if it was just as a friend. so meera, i know you're scared and im not encouraging you to do anything wrong but just be careful is all i'll say.

me: uff anoud i dont know! im gonna need your help. just keep telling me just friends okay just friends

anoud: just friends meeroo. friend zone!

Back to reality....

Diary, even though me and anoud kept trying and trying to convince me that we're just friends it didnt work. It's like he refused to leave my head. My mind was occupied by one thing and one thing only...RAKAN. I didnt tell arwa about me starting to like rakan, i mean that would have been awkward, but i know she would have been happy for me but come on, he's her cousin so no no no. 

One night before eid... On BBM...

rakan: so meera? are you ready for eid?

me: shit shit shit! thats tomorrow?! i completely forgot :'(  i dont have anything to wear!

rakan: -.- just take out anything from you're closet. 

me: hmmm i'll look, i think i have a new dress and a new skirt i still havent worn. which one should i go for though, skirt or dress?

rakan: how am i supposed to know -_- just go with skirt 

me: thanks -_-

rakan:come on, lets play the question game again.

Back to Reality...

we played normally, it was like part of our routine by now then we started asking each other about like past relationships and he was really surprised to know that i've never even dated x_x

BBM....

rakan: never ever? like not even dated a guy?

me: nope :$

rakan: okay you're turn

me: do you like anyone right now?

rakan: i think so

me: cool, okay you're turn

rakan: hahah don't you want to know who she is?

me: um okay, who is she? (i promise you diary i didnt know what was coming to me)

rakan: you, i like you meera

Back to reality... 

As soon as he said that, i swear i think my heart stopped. i started getting so cold and i had goosebumps everywhere, huff diary walla i didnt know what to do. i was smiling from the inside but so terrified from the out. Rakan didnt know that i read it since i didnt move my scroller and right at that moment, anoud bbmed me and i clicked on her chat by accident... shit shit shit.



Don't let the fear of tomorrow stop you from succeeding today.